


Home of Disaster

by sugarblossom



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, very very mild hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:22:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25647244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarblossom/pseuds/sugarblossom
Summary: Burnet visits Ash and Kukui's home for the first time, and frankly, she hates it.
Relationships: Burnet-hakase | Professor Burnet & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Burnet-hakase | Professor Burnet/Kukui-hakase | Professor Kukui, Kukui-hakase | Professor Kukui & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
Comments: 13
Kudos: 124





	Home of Disaster

Burnet took in the fresh air with a grin.

Who wouldn’t be excited about living in a beach house? The stellar views, all the beach activities, big families! This would be so relaxing!

Before Burnet could even step past the non-existent fences, the walls of Kukui’s house shook. 

The windows shattered.

Burnet stared at Ash and Kukui through the broken window. She stared upwards.

_ This  _ is the house? It’s held together with ducklett tape!

“Hey, Professor Burnet!” Ash exclaimed, waving. There was a crash. Loud screeching followed. “Pikachu, language!”

Kukui patted his hair, awkwardly inviting Burnet in. 

Burnet felt like an absol, walking straight into disaster.

She peeked into the house. 

Pokemon attacks and papers were flying  _ everywhere _ . 

Rotom was zooming around assessing the damage. 

Ash was tossing the  _ broken pan _ in his hands to Melmetal, who was sludging around the house.

Rowlet was half asleep, half pecking at his food. And leaving feathers everywhere. 

Before Burnet could even take a step, random pokemon ran by, tearing up the place and leaving dirt and sand wherever they went.

“...Are those…  _ your  _ pokemon?”

Ash and Kukui exchanged a glance, the former wincing when crossing his arms. “Well, no, they’re wild,” Kukui answered, putting his cap on to try to hide his messy hair. “Ash befriended them. Sort of.”

The floor creaked under Burnet’s feet as she took a look around.

Warm colored fur trailing everywhere. Attacks still soaring through and out of the house. Ash yelling at Pikachu for draining batteries. Burnet was pretty sure there would be screaming if these two didn’t seem  _ used to it _ .

Coffee and oil stains on a… really ripped up couch. More on their- is that  _ supposed  _ to be a dining table??? Wait, is that  _ poison _ on the wooden walls? The walls sizzled.

“And what is  _ that _ ?!” Burnet asked, pointing to the distance.

Kukui sweatdropped. “My aquarium?”

“It’s  _ huge _ ! How big is that???”

“It needs to be! There’s  _ three  _ pokemon in there!” Kukui scratched his cheek, wincing when Ash got shocked by Pikachu for trying to stop him from eating ketchup pumped cinnamon toast crunch for dinner. “It’s  _ just  _ two stories.”

Burnet furrowed her eyebrows before narrowing her eyes at Kukui. “Mind telling me WHY moves are allowed  _ in _ the house?”

Kukui sweatdropped.

A fire erupted next to them, but Kukui didn’t pay it any attention. “Because it’s normal?”

Ash’s pokemon all rolled their eyes, trying to pierce together a pot to put out the fire.

“What.”

Ash held up a pan, getting smacked in the face by Pikachu’s iron tail. Burnet froze. Ash shook his head, tossed the broken pan to Melmetal, and repeated the process.

“Did you teach him that too?”

“Hey hey, it’s still better than using himself as the target!”

“Did you teach him  _ that  _ too.”

“NO! What do you take me for? Ash just does it himself!”

Burnet facepalmed before stopping Ash’s pokemon from trying to pour oil on the fire. “Let’s all just… calm down-”

“Let’s go test your quick attack!” Ash yelled, him and Pikachu zooming out the door. 

Kukui put his hands on his hip, sporting a proud grin.

Burnet sighed. “ _ Who _ trusted you to take care of a kid?” She sweatdropped when Melmetal carried Rowlet away as Lycanroc and Naganadel threw rocks and sand at the fire. 

Incineroar sheepishly sat in the corner.

“His mother.”

“Yeah. Right.” Burnet tilted her head, looking over the mess. “Do you even know how to cook something  _ other than  _ ramen? Use a toaster? Do you even  _ have _ a microwave???”

“Hey!”

“Wait, you told me you usually sleep, if you ever actually sleep-” Burnet side-eyed Kukui- “in your lab, so where does Ash sleep? Your bedroom?”

“...The loft.”

“......” Burnet took a deep breath. “Why.”

Kukui raised his hands. “I mean-”

“Give him an actual room! You’ve got to have another room, right? Do you  _ have _ a bedroom? Hold up, does Ash have a bed? Does he need one? Should I buy him one-”

“The better question is if he wants one.” Kukui laughed. “Imagine us actually trying to assemble a bed! Munchlax is going to eat all the screws or something. If not Munchlax, Melmetal will.”

“...Are you setting a bad example for Ash by not having a stable sleep schedule?”

“He does that himself just fine.” Kukui paused. “In fact, he should be back in about a second.” 

Ash raced back in, ruffling his hair free—relatively free—of sand. “Hey professors! What were you talking about?” Pikachu darted past them, already curling up and snoozing. 

“Oh, you know, microwaves or something,” Kukui responded.

“Oh cool! What happens when you microwave grapes? Or soap? Oh, oh, how about marshmallows? Mmm, I could go for a marshmallow right now.”

“Maybe later.” Kukui patted Ash’s head. “We can find out-”

“BOYS.”

Ash chuckled, swatting at Burnet like a Litten. “Well I’m off to sleep, good night!”

Burnet stared as Ash climbed up to the loft, immediately snoring.

“Yeah, he doesn’t see the point in having a real bed.”

“Like father like son,” Burnet muttered under her breath. 

“Come on, he’s been traveling since ten, just go with it!”

Burnet nudged at a knocked over cup. “Your house is a mess.”

“Hm, I should get Ash to do laundry. That should clean everything.” Kukui stifled a laugh. “That is, if he doesn’t somehow manage to get the house eaten again.”

“...‘Just go with it’,” Burnet mocked before sighing. 

*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*⑅❀⑅*

The stairs creaked under Burnet’s every step. 

Kukui wasn’t in the lab. Er, gym. Both.

Burnet stared around, grimacing at the musty smell. She tried to turn the light on by tapping the on button three times before simply smacking it.

Kukui’s huge aquarium was practically glowing in the flickering light. 

Pieces of chocolate from Halloween  _ years _ ago that Kukui forgot about hidden in between the couch crevices. Boxes haphazardly piled around the room. Plastic Easter eggs containing trinkets like toy cars or bells or buttons or beads or fake flowers or  _ why is there a magnet in this one??? _ , scattered around the table.

An amalgamation of play doh drying out. A bucket of untouched carving pumpkin tools. A stack of blank papers and notebooks everywhere Burnet looked.

Wait. 

Is that a noodle maker, even though neither of them have the time and patience to make noodles??? Is that an umbrella holder, even though neither of them actually  _ uses _ an umbrella??? Is that a giant whiteboard, even though neither of them even  _ have  _ markers, only  _ chalk _ ???

Why is there “pineapple” scribbled on that yoga ball??? Why is there an entire  _ basket  _ of hair elastics in the corner??? Why is there a purple  _ scissors _ sticker on that cardboard framed mirror???

Is this a storage room instead of the lab of the  _ region’s professor _ ???

Sand and dust bunnies hidden in the corners of the walls. Sticky notes posted all over the walls about pokemon moves and even more pen marks  _ on _ the walls. Ducklett tape over the cracks. Smudges and chipped paint.

_ “Yeah I tried installing some of those stick-on lights, but they either stopped working or got annoying. But most of them were stuck on real tight, so…” _

Burnet ran a hand down her face, leaning back. 

Oh yes. Even more smudges on the ceiling. Along with discolored paint. And plants. Literally growing through the ceiling. Tapu, is this whole house rotting?

_ “We’re near the ocean, Burnet! You just learn to deal with it. Besides, it’s natural!” _

Burnet poked at the wood wall. 

Ew.

It’s wet.

How does Kukui work down here without fearing the whole house is going to collapse?

Burnet stared at her hand in disgust.

Where was the bathroom again? Why was the floor plan so  _ weird _ ? 

Ambling around the house, Burnet furrowed her eyebrows.

Why was there just a random wall here? Why is there  _ carpet _ here??? It doesn’t even look good! Where do you get all this space? Is this outside??? Is this just empty space??? Why do the sizes of these closets vary so much??? Why is there just a  _ random beam _ there??? Those corners don’t even  _ line up _ properly?!?!

She stared at a cracked outlet. You can  _ not _ convince her that literal  _ holes _ in the light switches are good. And the wires were literally exposed!

But what did Kukui say?

_ “We don’t even use it that often, so don’t worry about it.” _

A  _ glued  _ instead of screwed photo frame. 

A  _ pile  _ of fake flowers, from plastic petunias to felt roses.

A bowl of pens in  _ every single room. _

A few cracked windows that haven't been repaired in  _ years _ because _ ‘it’s not that bad’ _ .

A whole  _ row  _ of mushrooms growing out of the frayed paint. 

A  _ horrible  _ color, by the way.

A ‘front door’ leading to  _ nowhere _ .

A newspaper warning of  _ natural disasters _ . 

A torn and frayed curtain that’s  _ impossible _ to pull up, its rod tilted and on the verge of falling off. 

A pile of pans  _ rusting  _ from the salty air. 

A computer mouse that doesn’t work on a  _ mousepad _ , but  _ clothing _ .

A lamp without the  _ lampshade _ , only an oversized light bulb, too dim to be a room light, too bright to be a reading light.

A couple of New Years glasses and poppers for every year  _ except  _ this year.

A  _ Christmas hat _ dangling from the door handles.

A string of tiny stick-on Christmas lights that won’t even  _ work  _ because the connector is missing. 

A maze of holes in the walls because ‘ _ there’s no wall behind that wall and I just kept trying to hang a photo’ _ . 

A literal bar of soap trapped in mesh. Actually,  _ two _ . Their soap trails looking like literal  _ horns _ .

A toilet paper holder with a  _ log  _ in it because ‘ _ Ash found it and brought it home _ ’. 

Vibrating silverware from the sound of beach parties and construction and pokemon and BBQ events.

“Kukui!” Burnet yelled.

Kukui poked his head from outside the door. “Yes, love?”

The door that doesn’t even close properly. The door with no doorbell. Does that door even  _ have  _ a working lock??? It’s clear people have been prying at the lock, why hasn’t Kukui  _ ever  _ replaced it???

“How about we burn down this ‘house’ and build an actual one?”

Sweatdropping, Kukui took another bite of his cookie dough. “But it has electricity and plumbing and air conditioning! What else do you need?”

“Are you kidding? Have you seen the lights and broken outlets? The low water pressure and water leaks? The AC  _ doesn’t work half the time _ !”

“...Windows?”

“THEY GET STUCK AND WON’T OPEN.” 

Kukui shrunk under Burnet’s stare. “...There are… uh, you can live-”

“No you  _ can’t _ .” Burnet stepped closer to Kukui, gesturing downstairs. “Seriously, you’re the regional professor and you have your lab in  _ this _ house? If you can even call it a house?”

“My house is fine.”

“It’s held together by sheer  _ willpower _ !”

“You called?” Ash said, gulping down another malasada. 

“My house is fine.”

“Hey Ash,” Burnet sweetly greeted before hissing, “Kukui, you’ve got like  _ three jobs _ ! You can afford to fix your house!”

“Oh! I could help!” Ash exclaimed, waving. “How much money do you need?”

“Ash, honey, you don’t have to-” Burnet cut herself off. “...Why are you on the roof?” 

Ash, not caring he was on the verge of face planting onto the ground, tilted his head. “What? I’m helping with repair.” 

Burnet raced outside. Kukui was holding a ladder- er… two ladders. Stacked on top of each other. Ash hammered a final board onto a hole in the wall before sliding down next to them.

“See, all done!” Ash cheered. Kukui grinned, patting his head.

“Kukui…”

Kukui sweatdropped. “Yeah?”

“......” Burnet sighed. “Whose idea was it. Actually no, scratch that, Kukui, what the- How did you two  _ survive _ this long? You’re the  _ regional professor _ , yet you’re so  _ dumb _ ! That was  _ dangerous _ !”

Ash stiffened. 

Burnet raised an eyebrow, patting Ash’s shoulder in reassurance. “It’s not your fault, Ash.” Ash stayed silent. 

Kukui stared at Ash before at Burnet. “It was. But it wasn’t the most dangerous thing we’ve done. You know that.”

_ The missions. The legendaries. The ultra beasts. The dimensions.  _

Ash bit his lip, leaning closer to Burnet. 

Burnet hugged Ash. 

“I… don’t pretend I know what you two have gone through.” Kukui glanced off, eyes conflicted. “Much less what you went through, Ash. But I’ll always be here to support you. If it isn’t dangerous, of course. I’m glad you two are alright.”

“...Can we go microwave some ketchup?”

“I said ‘if it isn’t dangerous’.”

Laughter.

This may not be a house per se, but it was a home for them.

**Author's Note:**

> How's everyone doing? I hope well! I hope you all have a nice if not alright August!
> 
> Note: this fic isn’t about accuracy; it’s about me venting. Hope you enjoyed anyways! And also, ideas from the AO3 gang discord chat! <3


End file.
